Your Life Is Now

Have you ever experienced one of those moments in life when you just can’t seem to make any concrete decisions??  I don’t know about you but I have those days where I flit between tasks, have scattered thoughts, become frustrated and then just give up and go home to a glass of wine! It’s almost like sitting at a crossroads not knowing which road to take! Mmmm should I go left and take the easy road, the road with the predictable and safe outcome, or maybe the boring road with groundhog day outcome??? Or, do I take the road less travelled, the road with the bends and undulating hills, the road that leads to unknown places. The road that I know will surely challenge me, stretch me, unfold me??

Decisions decisions!

I suppose it would depend on the type of decision I was trying to make wouldn’t it?

Lets look at the biggies!

In order to make decisions we use our conscious and our unconscious minds, our hearts (intuition)and our heads (logic)! Our values and our beliefs about what will happen factor in highly there as well! When we are struggling to make good clear and concise decisions it is because we are not living in congruence with our highest values and beliefs, therefore our head starts going into overdrive, our heart starts skipping a beat and our head hurts! We are doing what is known as ‘over analysing‘ Sound familiar?

So how do we learn to align all of these important factors?? Answer: We learn to TRUST!

STOP, stop the reasoning, obsessive self talk, worry and angst and ollow theses simple steps.

1. Write down the decision you are trying to make. It could be the red car or the blue car, to leave work or stay, to let my kids walk home from school, to go for that job etc.

2. List the Pros and cons next to each item.

3. list your fears about each item. It may be something like, if i let my kids walk home will they be abducted? If I leave work I will never have money again.

4. Debunk each fear! With your kids, if the age is appropriate and you have taught them how to cross the road safely and not to get into strangers cars then the rest is up to TRUST! With your job, what’s the worst that could happen, what will is cost you if you stay? Remember, fears are just false evidence appearing real!! It is more times than not the fear that hurts us rather than the event!

4. Finally, make sure your decision has a positive outcome for all of your loved ones in the long run!

Once this is done, sit back and allow your unconscious mind to do the rest. Studies show that people who are faced with distractions before they make big decisions end up making the right decisions! Your unconscious mind already knows what is best for you, it is your internal voice that takes over and complicates matters!

Sleep on it, go for a run, watch television, whatever you do turn off your head!

When you revisit the list TRUST that you will make the right choice. There is a feeling of freedom when a decision is made, whether that dec

Last night I watched an amazing program on Television called ‘My families crazy gap year’.  Wow, what an amazing lesson in what can be achieved with a ‘higher intention’ in mind. A single Mum with a 9 year old daughter packs up and leaves for a year long trip to South Africa,  Thailand and India with a plan on living and volunteering in orphanages. Her intention was to teach her daughter first hand about how others less fortunate lived in the hope that she would learn the gift of gratitude at such a young age.  This lesson and many more were learned by both Mother and daughter, as you could imaging!  The biggest message I took away from the show was that Love and Happiness were present everywhere they went, regardless of the poverty!  In fact, the simpler the living standards, the happier they were!  The daughter commented that the 7 children she lived with in Thailand were never sad!  They had no Television, running water, furniture or electricity! They were fully self sustainable and even the children had to work the land to grow their food! Imagine that!!

This program stirred a lot inside of me. I started asking questions of myself like,

• What more could I do to contribute to the less fortunate?
• How could I change the way we holiday so that our children can also experience these life long lessons of gratitude?
• Is my comfort zone limiting my families perceived happiness?
• What really is happiness to me?
• How can I enjoy the simpler things in life more?

With these questions in mind I have decided to commit to some new habits to give my life more meaning!

1. Donate financially to a meaningful charity monthly

2. Donate my time with my children on a regular basis to a meaningful local charity.

3. Practice gratitude, after all  extreme poverty around the globe is defined by the World Bank and defined as those living on $1.25 or less a day. There are 1.4 billion people or about 21% of the world’s population living at this level or below across the world.

And hey, maybe I will take a gap year in the future and head off with the kids to unknown places to give, learn and grow! (Just don’t tell my husband)

I wonder what you could do today to living a more purposeful, happy and simple life?

Check out Nicola and Beth’s blog

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/gap-year-travels-with-my-daughter-2084668.html

What are you waiting for…. your life is now……?

Donna

The Map is not the territory: Just like when you want to drive to Frankston in Melbourne there are many different roads you can take, it’s the same with our thoughts!  Everyone has a different way of getting there and not one way is the ‘right’ way! What this means is that our perception of reality is not reality itself but our own version of it, or our “map”. Effectively, when we take the time to explore someone else’s ‘Map’ of the world we can then begin to respectfully and accurately understand them. Conflict arises when we impose our map of the world onto somebody else!  No two people have the same map of the world!

Our map of the world is made up of all of our experiences, it is like we have a big water filter over all of our senses, and when something happens we simply filter our experience based on what we believe and value most in life! We can’t possibly allow all of the water though, so in a sense our filter is not accurate, it is just the way we ‘filter’ it! What we work with in coaching is whether or not your current ‘filter or map’ is useful to you or not!

You see in order to support our beliefs that we hold so dearly, we all filter the water in different ways. Some information is deleted (info we know we will never need), some is distorted (like eye witnesses to an accident, all different) and some is generalised (all men are &*%#*!, you know what I mean!). Our beliefs are essentially the table top and we essentially search for legs (evidence) to hold it up!

Then we have values, the things that we invest most of our time in based on our beliefs!  Like money, health, love, freedom etc. Our whole lives have been one big science experiment collecting loads of beliefs and making certain values important to us based on what has happened to us and the meaning we have given these events!  Phewwww!!

So, imagine if you could identify your values, become consciously aware of your beliefs and patterns you are running and figure out which ones are supporting you and giving you the results you deserve, or ditch the ones that are limiting you?? It’s like servicing your car and putting in a new oil filter every few months so that the care runs more smoothly!!

If I had to change my filter this week, I would probably choose to change the one that has a fear of people reading what I write!! So here goes people, my fist public blog! Enjoy and have fun asking yourself some really cool and empowering questions like:

What are you not noticing in your life?

What is belief that works for you?

What is a belief that you could throw to the lions?

What could the value ‘Trust’ do for you if you decided to step into it with both feet?

Happy traveling, and be sure to let someobidy near and dear to you read your map, you’ll get there faster!!

What are you waiting for??

Donna

Have you ever noticed how you do things, think, behave, eat, sleep the same way or similar day in day out?It’s like we run on autopilot!  Have you ever stopped for a moment to consider the impact your habits make on those around you?  We all have habits that either support us, or hold us back! For example, I recently learned that I have this really annoying habit where I get really cranky when I have to learn a new skill or make a big decision. Once I have acquired that skill or made that decision, I am all roses!!That would be all fine if it were only me involved, but when my family has to suffer through this it can be straining to say the least!

A recent example was me learning how to surf!  It went along these lines. I turned up for the class full of enthusiasm and ready to have some fun….until I saw the terrible conditions, the large board, and the other people in the water falling of their boards everywhere!  I told myself in that instant that it was all going to be too hard and that I was surely going to get hurt! The other participants even noticed my resistance to learn and open up to enjoy the experience!  It wasn’t until we got back in the water the second time, me reluctantly, that the instructor jumped on the back of my board and helped me to stand up!! Initially I told him that we had to stay in the shallow waves because I was scared out of my brain of the bigger waves!

Suddenly I got it! I thought, hey this is fun after all!  I grabbed my board and headed straight back into the water, but this time I needed the BIG waves so that I could get the best possible chance of standing up again…because that was soooo much fun! A couple of the people in my class noticed the shift and started laughing at me. The instructor even pointed out that I was out in the BIG waves!

Upon reflection I learned that the outcome is pretty much the same in every scenario of my life!  I go in all huffy and puffy, scared of failure, scared of getting hurt and in the process I hurt everyone else with my behaviour!  In the end I get some help, understand what needs to be done, do it once myself and hey presto… it is all roses again! Phew, that makes me tired even writing it!

Imagine how life could be different if I dropped the fear of getting hurt or failing and just did what needed to be done? Of course, a bit of fear is natural to protect us, but not to the point that you need to be pulled kicking and screaming into every new thing you try in life!

So, my new habit is this:

When the old feeling of fear, resistance, of aggressiveness creeps back in I acknowledge it, then I sit with it for a little while and ask it some questions like this: Is there really any need to be angry, or scared right now? How could I enjoy this experience so much more, right now, if I let go of my negative emotions? How is this behaviour affecting others around me? What is the payoff for me feeling this way, what do I get out of this emotion? Lastly, I gently ask it to move on because I have a new habit now, and that new habit allows me to try things with a sense of curiosity for what I am about to learn, and it allows me to TRUST that all is well and regardless of the outcome! I now know that I will handle whatever I invite into my world!

Which of your habits are holding you back?

Which of your habits support you?

They say it takes 29 days to make a new habit…. so happy new habit making!!

Donna

“What are you waiting for”?

There is an understanding within the coaching community that “you invite everything into your life, you are the creator”. I think I just understood that concept on a superficial level until last weekend. You see, I went away to a three day coaches only retreat! I left with my normal pre leaving home thoughts: will the kids miss me, should I cook and freeze another meal for my husband, I do hope the place will be clean when I get back, should I pack another outfit (just in case), do another load of washing last minute, bla bla bla.  I came back like I had been through the washing machine on spin cycle and hung out to dry!  All in a good way, I was now sparkling a new shine, a shine I was still yet to reveal to myself and my world as I KNOW it!

The retreat was like riding a roller coaster of me. We explored trust, we meditated, we did Pilates, we did group exercises – in fact we did all sorts of activities which forced us like a meteorite heading for earth to evaluate ourselves and the get the hell out of the way before we destroy the whole world as we know it!   I felt like I was walking around naked all weekend with all my lumps and bumps exposed (And yes, we were fully clothed).

The retreat leader held us accountable for every action or non action we took. She never ever let us off the hook! It made me ponder the concept….how the hell did I create or want on some level to have my life so soaked, spun, wrung out and dried? The answer…..I wanted to move forward! I knew on some level that my personality required more than a gentle hand to guide me along, more than a vision board, more than a webinar – my personality required breaking in!  I discovered I was running a pattern of anger and frustration that left untamed would have seen me thrown from my horse in the not so distant future. I discovered, and I mean really understood, that my life is MINE, and all the lumps and bumps are MINE to cherish, love, accept, celebrate because without my story of me, I am not me! Hence, anger was released, forgiveness was felt, sorrow was embraced, intimacy was felt, love was allowed, and life was back!!

I can now be still in the present, walk into the future, and TRUST that everything is exactly how it should be; because after all I invite everything into my reality so I might as well start invited the cool guests and leave the duds out!

Thanks Rachel – you really are a Super coach!

Donna

Your Life is Now

What are you waiting for??

I feel like child arguing with a sibling at the moment “it’s my turn”!! Well at least that’s how I have felt for the last few months leading up to my eventual return to work –outside the house! You see, I have been conducting my coaching business from home for the last two years since my last baby was born.
Whilst I have had, what I refer to, as the “good Life’, I have also struggled with the balance between time for the kids, husband, house, friends, and me! By the good life I mean, I epitomized the stay at home Mum. My house gave Bree Van De kamp a run for her money, I spent the best part of our retirement fund in coffee shops on lattes and snacks for the two year old, I ran a half marathon, I renovated the house, I re landscaped the backyard, the list is endless.
I also had what I refer to as “idle mind syndrome”. You know the mind that has too much time on its hands, so it runs wild with all sorts of dramas and phantom illnesses? I tried and tried to get myself motivated to do some more work, write that book, study some more, schedule my week more effectively, but the “good life’ kept calling me back.
For me, it was a case of sweet and sour! The sweet joy of being there for my little ones every milestones .To love, laugh; relax, without the pressure of a boss or a deadline in the background. I was working to my pace, and the pace of two precious girls! My husband was free to what he pleased with work; he had me to back him the whole way! Sour, the idle mind!
But, that inner calling kept bugging me! That “knowing” that I have spoken about before, the knowing that I would have my own successful business, whatever that meant to me! For me, it means working a couple of days a week, helping a few people out, doing some training, working amongst like minded individuals, indulgently doing a task without stressing that the baby will soon be awake and times up, having grown up conversations!! It means feeling tired from something other than the Groundhog Day!
So, here I sit, looking out of the window of my new office I have rented for two days a week (although the view of the lotus flower outside my window in the new Chinese precinct gives me hope). Not caring that my office is bare and that I have more money going out than coming in. Not caring that I have a big year ahead of me to grow my business to the goals I have set. Not caring that my husband is home juggling his work and the baby for the day. Just loving that “It’s my turn”!
Please, if you have ever had a dream to do something other than what you are doing right now, follow my progress! Follow my story of how I manage to make it all work this year. Each week I will post what I need to do next, how I go about it, and what I learn along the way! I’m sure the journey will be colourful, challenging, happy, rewarding, enduring and satisfying!

So, what are you waiting for – your life is now!
Donna

Recently I have learned a lot about ‘People being people‘.

A very dear friend of mine is going through a divorce. A divorce that I must say, would have to be one of the most dignified and respectful I have ever witnessed. The couple have children. What makes them so respectful in their actions is mainly this: They refuse to ‘divulge’ their personal reasons why the marriage failed to their social network. Very brave move in a reasonably small town.

This is is where my ‘people observation’ skills have gone into overdrive – thriving on the amazing ‘gossips’ that have come out of ‘not telling’. It is like the town has had it’s biggest ever ‘guess how many jelly beans are in the jar’ competition. Everyone has had to have their say, their speculation, their judgments, their secrets whispers.

What is it about ‘not knowing’ that threatens us so much?

Well, I put it down to this – they are ‘people being people’. As we all have different sets of values and beliefs that drive our every move, we must expect that ‘not knowing’ would set off all of the alarm bells in some people. These conclusions and stories are then exacerbated when you get ‘group think’ involved. You know the scenario, the group gets together and they start sharing their stories, wondering where they persoanlly fit in, going over and over the same old ground, ultimately drawing very unsubstantiated conclusion, at the the expense of their own personal integrity  – and the persons of whom the are speaking.

What does this mean to me and my business?

For me it means:

• be wary of the negative ‘group think’. I found this great definition of group think and thought I would share it with you.

“Groupthink is a concept that was identified by Irving Janis that refers to faulty decision-making in a group. Groups experiencing groupthink do not consider all alternatives and they desire unanimity at the expense of quality decisions. ”

• Never believe everything you hear – ask yourself if it is going to benefit you in any way ‘substantiating’ the rumor. If not bin it!
• Stand up for the ones you love in group think – Your heart will tell you what is right.
• Don’t agree just to keep the peace.
• Suggest that the group move onto another topic out of respect for said person.

Last, but not least, treat others as you wish to be treated – don’t sit back and wait for people to come to you and go out and make your destiny! Sitting around talking about something never changed a thing!

Remember the serenity prayer

God grant me the Serenity

to accept the things

I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And Wisdom to know the difference.

Now you ‘know’ what you want to do – it is time to get started, but wait – there is something tugging at your sleeve, pulling tabs off your lap top keyboard and screaming every time you even look sideways at your computer! Argh – my 18 month old.

Today I am torn – torn between the big eyes, laughing little cherub and the calling of what I need to get done! How do I manage to balance this all? Especially with my husband away for the whole month for work – arghh again!

My suggestion – give in!

Give in for me means:

• Arrange a sitter for  few hours a week to get the most important things done. Sure it will cost you – but what will it cost you if you don’t pay for it?
• Work when bubs is asleep. Leave the housework – it can wait. Spend your time on things that fulfill you, not deplete you!
• Understand you are NOT superwoman – it will all get done in good time. Just remember, we all overestimate what we can get done in ONE year, but underestimate what we can get done in FIVE.
• Set realistic goals for your self that incorporate your energy levels, hours, will and drive, and capabilities.
• When you get the ‘golden hour’ you need to get some work done, work on the most important task first – the one that will give you the most satisfaction when completed.
• Get up early or go to bed late a couple of days per week – it is a amazing where you can ‘steal’ a few hours from each week.
• Swap childcare with friends – you take their kids one day and then they take yours another day!
• Last but not least – turn off your head when you are not working – and TRUST that as long as your are moving forward each week you are on track!

So – back to my time. I have my ‘golden hour’ now – time to work on my end of year finances.  I have done the thing that will give me the most satisfaction first, now onto the ‘not so desirable tasks’

What are you waiting for?

Donna

I was wondering today about the things that got me to where I am today? Starting my own Life Coaching business. Working from home, two beautiful girls, great husband, great friends – a wonderful life! I couldn’t say I had one of those moments you see in TV where ‘bam’ that it is – that’s what I want to do with the rest of my life – it just sort of evolved.  It has been a collection of moments over the years which have lead me to here, which will now lead me to ‘there’.

If I had to pin point one obvious life changing moment it would without a doubt, hands down, be the loss of our beautiful baby boy Alexander.  A moment in my life that taught me many things, but probably the most profound would be that feeling of ‘knowing’. It is that feeling I got when I was told by the Doctors that our little boy only had a few hours to live. I was told he would most likely not be alive in 24 hours when his Dad, Scott, was due to arrive home from Europe, where he was training for the Olympic Games. It was that feeling of ‘knowing’ that said to the doctors, “it’s ok, he will stay alive and his Dad will get to say goodbye” “I don’t know how I know, I just know”.

It is that feeling of ‘knowing’ that forced me to urge Scott to continue on with his dream to win an Olympic Gold medal – which he did. The ‘knowing’ knew without a doubt that he would win! It was like pre ordering  take away dinner and knowing it will be there to collect on my way home from work! Simple!

Since then that feeling of ‘knowing’ has revisited me on a few occasions, not many! It revisited me when it was time to have our next two babies. It was there when we decided to move home to Australia and it is back again with my new direction in life – life coaching.

I suppose the biggest question you may have is ‘how did you ‘know’ it was the right thing to do! Simple – It felt right! I felt compelled to do it! The best way to describe the feeling for me is like there is an invisible hand on my back – pushing me along, a guiding hand – I wonder who that could be:)

When have you felt compelled to do something, when have all of your moments added up, sort of like 1 + 1 = 2,  that is it! oh, it was there all along! When have you had that feeling of ‘knowing’.

Some describe it like:

I dreamed it, I felt at home doing it, it was like a full body experience, it was what I always wanted to do as a child! The list is endless.

Your life is now - what are you waiting for?

Donna

How to develop a ‘Champion Mindset’

1. Have a clear VISION and FOCUS.

So many of us don’t understand why we never get anywhere, why our business fails, why our marriage falls apart and so on. We spend our time focusing on what we don’t want – I don’t want to fail, I don’t want my husband to have an affair, I hate doing finances, I hate not having enough time, bla bla bla.
Instead, when we focus all of our energy into what we do want, how we do want to live, how we do want to feel, how we do want our finances to look, how we do want our marriage to succeed, we get results! When you decide to control your focus, control your thoughts, language, body language, interactions with others you control your future.

You must be able to visualize it, feel it, see it, know that the final result is yours, you deserve it!

Questions to ask yourself if you are focusing on the ‘positives’
Were am I focusing all my energies in life?
What is already bringing me happiness?
What’s within my control?
What is my picture of success?

2. You MUST have NO other option:

No…no one foot in, one foot our scenario. No…well if this doesn’t work then I can always go and wait tables. When my husband won his Olympic gold medal, there was no, well I can always go home and make furniture, I can always try at the next Olympics – he was too old anyway, this was it, his last chance to achieve what he’d always wanted in life – an Olympic Gold Medal. There was no other option! He was truly committed to his success. I am not suggesting here that you give up your day job and go flying balloons around the world. If you have to work part time along the way, earn money from other avenues, then so be it, but these must all be with the clear intention of supporting your vision!

Questions to support your vision.
If I could not fail I would do what?
If I won the lottery tomorrow I would?
When am I at my best?

3. You MUST have a COMPELLING REASON to succeed.

Ok, Scott’s was fairly clear, if you know the story, you know we had lost our beautiful baby son to heart problems 2 and half months prior to The Olympic games. His compelling reason was this, if I don’t at least attempt win GOLD and I no longer have my son – then what have I got? It was his way of salvaging what was left…and there was no other option! He felt compelled. Not everyone has such a compelling reason, but if you don’t take action, and don’t do this thing you so desire, What have you got…is it enough? Is it enough to sustain you for the next ten years, is it enough to help you live congruently, to motivate you, propel you forward, for you to be the best YOU can BE?

Questions-
What is your compelling reason for success?
If you don’t take action what pain will you experience in life?
What belief about yourself do you need to let go of to support you vision?

4. You MUST have SELF BELIEF beyond all doubt!

Have you ever come across a successful business person who doubted the value of their product or service? You probably didn’t buy what he had on offer , did you? Or maybe you did out of pity? The successful business person has an unwavering belief in what they do – hence the reason they made it! What belief or thoughts are holding you back? Do you secretly think you are too old, young, slow, lacking credibility, for that job? Whatever it is, it has to go – because it is only a thought – it means nothing! Even though Scott went to the games with about 70% of the fitness one would normally require to win such an event ,he sat himself down 5 minutes before the race and gave himself a ‘good old talking too’. Now, I won’t use the language he used but it went something along these lines : Well, you are here now, I don’t care if you haven’t done the training you need too, I don’t care if you haven’t prepared the way you normally do – you have what you have and today it will have to be enough to win!. He describes it as turning on a light switch. He went on that track with the mindset that he was here to win!

Questions to maintain self belief?
What do you need to believe in order for you to succeed?
What will you tell yourself every day about your goal?
When have I felt success before? How can I learn from that experience?

5. You MUST TAKE ACTION, and ENJOY the process!

Get started, it won’t happen overnight, but it will happen! Scott had 12 long years in between Olympic games, but he didn’t give up. He knew he had what was required. He planned out each year, what events he would peak for, and he did the necessary training ! But most importantly, he truly loved what he was doing, he loved the camaraderie of the teams he was in, he loved and celebrated his all of his victories along the way. There was so much more to his career than just winning an Olympic gold medal, it was just the icing on the cake.
When what you are doing is right, it doesn’t feel like work – you just do what is necessary with vigour and enthusiasm! Sure you will have days when you wonder, what am I doing here, this is so hard, all these losses and so on, but they are just that – days, moments, small events! What matters is that most of your days are rewarding, most days you are on track, most days you feel you are getting somewhere! Remember Rome wasn’t built in a day!

Questions for taking massive action.
What will be your first step?
How will you know you are on tack to succeeding?
How will you know when you ‘get’ there?
What is after there?

6. You MUST have the FLEXIBILITY to tackle the OBSTACLES along the way!

If your vision, beliefs and desire is strong enough, you will challenge any obstacles that come your way. What are you willing to put up with? This is up to you to decide. Know when to tackle things head on and when to stand back and look at your challenge from another perspective. Remember to ask for help, get people on board to help you achieve your goal. Many hands makes light work! Remember ‘Obstacles are unrecognised opportunities’.

Questions –
How will you handle challenges along the way?
What sort of person do you need to be to achieve your goal?
Who is on your side to help you achieve your goal?

7. You MUST be GRATEFUL for everything that comes your way!

The art and practice of ‘gratitude’ helps one to focus on the positive aspects of our lives! Being grateful for the opportunities given to you. Gratitude helps you to remain centered and a tip for practicing gratitude could be looking back to where you began and listing what you have achieved so far! Coming up with a daily ‘Mantra’ like ‘I am grateful for my beautiful self, husband and children life is great just how it is’! Or, simply listing each day the things you can be grateful for in a journal!

Remember a state of ‘eternal happiness’ is unrealistic in life. Just like we have four seasons in our year, we have many different emotions that must be acknowledged and respected. If you feel sad have a cry, happy then laugh, angry, find a safe way to release it! Either way, accepting that we are not super humans and that ‘stuff happens’ and we all respond to challenges differently is OK! It is just up to you to decide when to let go of that emotion and move on.

Questions for gratitude

What is my new daily mantra?
What can you be grateful for right now?
What are your 3 qualities that make you so unique in this world?